Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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