he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
