I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
