honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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