I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
