considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
