Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
