if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
