Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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