In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
