i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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