You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
