Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
