I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
