I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
