The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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