Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
