i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We got so high we made milksteak
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
