Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
