I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
