I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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