She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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