I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
