you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
