Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
