If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
