did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
