I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
