I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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