So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone came in the potted fern
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
