if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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