please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
