I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just pee around me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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