either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
please don't ironically join a cult
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