As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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