I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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