are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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