I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
