Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
