It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
