the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
