As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
