I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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