so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
