Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
