I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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