You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
