I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
