So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
