I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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